Cricket joke of the Week - The Proteas Bowling Attack

Forum » Cricket » Cricket joke of the Week - The Proteas Bowling Attack

Oct 02, 2019, 15:33

So who was part of the bowling attack of the Proteas in the first test in India in which not a single wicket was taken:-

Philander        -    11,1 overs bowled - 2 maiden overs   =   34 Runs scored  =  3,06 rpo = acceptable

Rabada           -    13  overs bowled   - 5 maiden overs   =   35 Runs scored  =  2,69 rpo = acceptable

Maharaj          -    23  overs bowled   - 4 maiden overs   =   66 Runs scored  =  2,86 rpo = acceptable 

Piedt              -      7  overs bowled   - 1 maiden over     =   43 Runs scored  =  6,14 rpo = a joke 

Muthusamy    -       6 overs bowled   - 0 maiden overs   =    23 Runs scored  =  3,83 rpo = unacceptable

The new coach of the Proteas was totally clueless about player selection - he may have heard somewhere that the Indian pitches are good when it comes to spin bowling  and so he buggered up totally,       

Oct 02, 2019, 17:09


out of curiosity, which bowlers would you have selected and why?

Our coach is a BEE graduate, and he doesn't warrant his own selection as much as you would, so im not a fan either, but what would your masterful selections have been?

Oct 02, 2019, 19:33

My bowlers would have been Philander, Rabada, Nortje and Maharaj.   The rest of the back-up spin  bowling one could leave to Markram and Elgar with De Bruin also a fair medium pace bowler.   Ngidi could also have been in the mix, but in the sub-continent he has problems on test level.      

Oct 02, 2019, 19:41

So in a nutshell.... You’d change one bowler and make the rest part time spinners?

Hardly a case there buddy. You literally weakened our bowling stocks with your selections.

How can you go Into a test in the sun continent with 1 front line spinner?

Nobody in the past decade has done that and succeeded.

If I had a choice I’d stick with Nkwe rather than you as a selector. X

Oct 03, 2019, 00:29

And to think Gary Kirsten could be the next England coach and we have some absolute nobody in charge who’s first call was to select 3 spinners


Oct 03, 2019, 05:23

Have to agree. . It's bloody sad what's happening to our cricket. I predicted this would happen after the WC but it sure still hurts. 

Oct 03, 2019, 11:26


You are totally wrong again.  The changes I would have made strengthen the batting side and in the alternative stop two dud spinners as well.  

Oct 03, 2019, 13:14

Mike you may be premature. The batting lineout looks woeful and which of the batting or bowling lineup is the biggest joke remains to be seen. 

South African cricket looks weaker than ever. 

We shall see. 

Oct 04, 2019, 01:46

Sometimes we don't appreciate the moment for what it is until it becomes a memory and as for memory since re-admission, I think of Alan, Shaun, Kallis, Klusener, Jonty, Dale, Morne, Herschelle, Boucher, Smithy, AB, Amla.......the list goes on.

All of them greats who knew and understood the game, greats who left a footprint, but alas, that footprint is being swept away by a devastating political agenda that has very little interest in a game I richly love and enjoy. The grim reality is that the blithering idiots who now run the game really don't know.......thanx for the memory, I'll hang onto it.

Oct 04, 2019, 08:58

We need another Graeme Smith...a leader of men. Maybe he should start coaching?

Oct 04, 2019, 14:25

Congrats to our two centurion. 

Oct 04, 2019, 20:22

Funny how quiet everyone goes when we show some good mettle and have a good day.

Us saffas are world renowned moaners from our arm chairs.

Well played proteas. Elgar faf and quinny were brilliant.

Hopefully we can get that lead to under 100.

Oct 04, 2019, 21:39

I have one further problem - De Kock should bat higher in the batting order.  He is the real key to the Proteas batting line-up,   

Oct 04, 2019, 22:20

Flash, see all of these complainents are ex apartheid blowhards...
they spend their life complaining.
they dont know any better.

SA is very unique in the way we complain.
I watched Brazil bow out of the fifa world cup... i watched it with brazilian fans....
even when their team was losing, they continued to reap praise on their boys for trying so hard.

These dutchmen and colonials always feel hard done by.
I dont ever think we'll see it change during our lifetime.

I hope our kids can learn from those brazilians.

Oct 05, 2019, 03:29

"Flash, see all of these complainents are ex apartheid blowhards...
they spend their life complaining.
they dont know any better."

Unlike the new South Africa,  "ex apartheid blowhards" do not embrace mediocrity, they embrace excellence. You see, winning is not important to so-called "ex apartheid blowhards"'s all-important.... and one other thing.....they don't slagg off their own by calling them, Cunts.

Got that?.....I doubt it.

Oct 05, 2019, 04:01

So  Denny

I am an "ex apartheid blowhard". since I started the thread,  Denny - how could you say that of me?   A person who was obviously monitored by the NP Security Police and served on the Albert Luthuli Trust as a Trustee,  

I hope you retract that iro  me. 


Oct 05, 2019, 04:12

Very funny mate.....actually now that you're mentioning it......what is an "ex Apartheid Blowhard"?

Aren't we all "ex Apartheid"? :'(

Oct 05, 2019, 09:55


Firstly I wasn’t referring to you at all.

Secondly, notice how there still aren’t any guys who said well done proteas?

Watch, the next time our bowlers get pummeled on a flat deck, all the blowhards will reappear.

Oct 05, 2019, 12:13

"These dutchmen and colonials always feel hard done by.
I dont ever think we'll see it change during our lifetime.

I hope our kids can learn from those brazilians.

Chip, you are normally a levelheaded dude, but this comment screams bigotry...Fuck You!"

Denny, thanks for noticing. 

Oct 05, 2019, 15:17

.... and still no one says well done proteas.

My point still stands.

Oct 05, 2019, 15:18

Ps db. I agree 100% regarding smith. He was an incredible leader and batsman.

Still one of the highest averages for an opener.

Oct 05, 2019, 18:56

Chip, you won't ever see me pissing on the Proteas, regardless of how they play...and your point doesn't stand because it's just wrong.

But you are right, they did well getting back into the game.

Oct 05, 2019, 21:21

I am as guilty as anyone for finding fault with the players.

Never played "Test" cricket but my am I a ever the expert commentator.

Sure the Proteas are going through a tough streak and yes not all the players I think should have been selected did make the final team.

But  they are coping admirably under trying conditions and wickets made to order. 

We always refer back to the times when "Eddie Barlow" did this and so and so did that, well old boys those days are long gone.

The game has changed and new players are on the field.

Some have flourished and some have failed but I still enjoy watching the game and most of the new talent skills on offer.

Also we cannot win every game because if we do what are we going to squabble about on this forum.

Not all sportsmen are born "winners" like us, CORRECT!

Oct 05, 2019, 22:31


Try keeping for 120 overs and then walking in at 3 or 4.

You are better off having no break and just opening the batting. 

Oct 06, 2019, 01:11


These dutchmen and colonials always feel hard done by.
I dont ever think we'll see it change during our lifetime.

Could you clarify what you mean, after reading your post again I don't understand what a flat track and a struggling Protea attack has to do with "Dutchman" and "Colonials"

"Secondly, notice how there still aren’t any guys who said well done proteas?"

What's to be grateful for? The fact that they allowed the Indians to score 500 runs? They did themselves no favours by selecting Piedt, a provincial spin bowler not worthy of test recognition. That said, I don't know the local stocks and I don't know whether Piedt is the best thereof but the little I've seen of him as well as looking at his figures it's become clear that he is out of his depth. He only served to make it harder for the rest of the attack.

Oct 06, 2019, 16:39

Let's try and be honest. 

The Indians scored over 500 runs and the were 300 odd for 4!

Only possible conclusion is the attack was not up to it. 

Our first innings want too bad thanks to Elgar and De Kock. 

The second innings was pathetic and Dan Piedt showed up the top order. 

The reality is this is a very ordinary test team. That is not being anti the Proteas is just being realistic. 

Oct 06, 2019, 16:52

What do you mean by "Dan Piedt showed up the top order."?

Oct 07, 2019, 00:00

Man we are a crap test side these days. Our batting line up is second rate

Oct 07, 2019, 04:26


So lets forget in the first case the fact that the T20I side win the September 2019 series against India away,   Yes I agree in the WC there was a problem in the batting line-up and that is perhaps persisting in the tests in India,   

So let look at the line-up in the first instance and see who is really new?   Makram  has been there since Cook's dismissal and so has Elgar, Du Plessis and De Kock  has been around for years and so has Bavuma.   So the only new factor is the absence of  Amla from the squad,   I am not happy with De Bruin at 12 though,  

In the main the present team won test series played at home in the past year - with Amlla being iffy in the series played,   In the end they did well in the first innings of the test under discussion - but in the second innings they all failed.   Not surprising in sub-continent pitch conditions,                

Oct 07, 2019, 06:55

"In the main the present team won test series played at home in the past year..."

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't they lose the home test series to India? 

Oct 07, 2019, 08:25

The bowling is a major problem. 

There's no patience. Guys are bowling long spells without looking like they really have a plan or the focus to bowl to orders.

Oct 07, 2019, 08:49

To quote Warne....."Can't bat, can't bowl."

Oct 12, 2019, 10:08

Yes dense Denise the batting also is mediocre at best. As I first mentioned above. 

In reply to India's 600 odd we are 177 for 8 right now.

Oct 12, 2019, 11:46


That was what the Proteas needed. 

That's what you always need in India. The pitch will never help you. If you're trying to take wickets you never will. 

Philander needs pitch assistance more than anyone else in the side because he takes his wickets through small deviations most of the time. If that deviation is missing then he is just an average slow/medium bowler. Totally the opposite when he's playing on SA pitches.

Rabada has the pace to cause problems on any pitch but he doesn't swing the ball enough. He's not patient enough to take wickets on length alone so if there isn't much carry off the surface he struggles as well. In India, as long as you know where your off stump is, and you adjust to Kagiso's natural length...he'll be lucky to get you out. He varies his line more than his pace and that's a mistake.

Morkel had the same problem(no swing). That's why he relied so heavily on balls dying on the batter and hitting the top of off or the pads when it should have carried through past the hip. But he used his height and took pace off the ball to create uncertainty. It worked for him.

Steyn was successful because he had some pace, swing and the ball always threatened to hit the top of off. He was short for a fast bowler but it allowed him to err on length more than taller bowlers with less swing could. He built his career without having a truly threatening short ball in the way Flintoff or Johnson had.

If Malinga was Morkel's height he bowled with a high arm, he wouldn't be known as the yorker guy.

The point being that every pitch and every bowler's body offers both advantages and disadvantages. 

India has flat pitches. The mindset should be that India drawing at home is a loss for them. Make them be the aggressors. Bore their batsmen to death.

Philander should be staying away from the pads and forcing India to play drives on the up or flashing outside off to get runs. His field should be offside heavy to both limit singles on the offside and force batters to play across the line if they want to find the boundary.

Similarly Rabada should be staying away from the body most of the time. Bowling short later in the over won't do him much good. If he wants to attack the body it should be the first ball of the over and it should be rare. He should be varying his pace more than his length. And doing so towards a sixth or seventh stump. The bounce he extracts, or lack there of if he slows it up a tad, is all the variation he needs. It's what causes the fatal last second adjustment from a cut shot to a backfoot drive and it's effective.

The bowling unit's plan must be to limit runs. In SA you can buy wickets. In India you can't. 

There is no excuse. India are playing on the same surface but their bowling plans are just mile's ahead of SA's.

Just my two cents.

Oct 12, 2019, 12:43

Maharaj and Philander showing up top order. Shows how weak top order performance was. Somebody explain this to dense. 

Oct 12, 2019, 12:46

Maharaj just for 72. Highest score so far! 

Oct 12, 2019, 13:01

Philander 44 not out. 

275 all out. 

You need to Log in to reply.
Back to top