Genetically modified Bok team

Forum » Rugby » Genetically modified Bok team

May 15, 2019, 16:51

Many Bok players are potential greats, except for one missing element. Now with the news that the Chinese have used the gene editing tool Crispr to modify embryos....we can speculate on the modifications needed to have created a better Bok team at the 2015 WC:

Willie.....the neural pathway for right foot kicking to supplement the left foot.

Habana....another 3 inches to be the perfect high ball chaser.

Jessie Kriel....another 30 IQ points

Allende....another 40 IQ points and peripheral vision.

JP Peterson......10 more metres in 10 seconds.

Pollard.....10% more upper body strength for tackling.

F du Preez.....nothing needed

Beast....10% more in the squat.

Bismarck...5 % less aggression

Fatty Malherbe....same weight, 50% lower fat percentage....less top heavy physique

Etzebeth.....5% less aggression....the ability to run and pass

Victor.....a slower genetic clock, taking him back 5 years, 2% scale up

Schalk Burger....a bullet proof 2004 fetcher's neck

Willem Alberts 10 more metres over 100.

Duane Vermeulen....the ability to convey effort in all the stuff he makes look effortless.


Those changes would have been enough.

May 15, 2019, 17:28

Why not bring back an entire team of our greats by simply rewinding their genetic clocks to when they were at their best.

Danie Gerber, Henry Honibal., Joost, Os, Andre Joubert and so on.

Why bother improving Jesse Kriels smarts when you can simply replace the idiot with Muller.


May 15, 2019, 17:29

Pdivvy with a complete brain transplant to coach the team. 

May 15, 2019, 17:32

"F du Preez.....nothing needed"

I'm gonna ignore fact that you changed his name just because his genetics are perfect.

All I'll say is, quality post!!!

Vic Matfield's telomer clock!? hahahaha

Duane having to dumb himself down for Bok fans.

Thus far, my pick of posts for 2019.

May 15, 2019, 17:33

"Pdivvy with a complete brain transplant to coach the team."

We're not in genetics land anymore Toto.

May 15, 2019, 17:36

I say let's clone Kwagga 23 times and see if anyone can keep up.

While we're at it...let's do the same with Kallis.

May 15, 2019, 18:38

We matfiled another 15kg and a heart transplant to give the poor oak the heart of a forward. 

May 16, 2019, 09:22

What a load of funny crap?   LMAO 

May 16, 2019, 09:31

Clevermike as a rugby fan can have genetically enhanced eyes to see the whole match, and a new objectivity cortex to assess it.

May 16, 2019, 11:01

“Posted by: Plum (3725 posts) May 15, 2019, 17:36

I say let's clone Kwagga 23 times and see if anyone can keep up.

While we're at it...let's do the same with Kallis.”

Even better. Merge Kallis and Clive Rice and then clone him. That will give you all the (enhanced) skills combined with great captaincy as well.

May 16, 2019, 14:42

Objection .....cloning is not permitted in the latest IRB rules. Otherwise every scrumhalf would be Joost van der Westhuizen.

May 16, 2019, 15:00

Who'd win between teams of Klusner vs Kallis?

How many notable changes constitute a new IP Moz?


May 16, 2019, 16:51

Quite entertaining dialogue and yes there are certain extra  features and mindsets that would give those mentioned an extra edge but still there are those sportsmen that are as near as damn it perfect.

I don't think you could improve on Danie Gerber, Jooste V D Westhuizen for example or even Juba and Os for that matter...flyhalves are harder 'cause being the pivot is a key position that fits the game plan and style of the cannot compare Henry Honiball to lets say most of our better no 10's...he was blade and that's unique to him...Butch was also unique and the Keith Oxlee's of yester years played an entirely different type of innovative style...although to deviate Oxlee and scrumhalve Gareth Edwards of Wales I think were 2 of the most intelligent rugby players I can recall.

Anyway Mozart is focusing on one specific team in more or less in that approximate decade.

May 16, 2019, 20:13

I'm limiting myself to current players:

15 Curwin Bosch: 50% more courage in the tackle.

14 Aphiwe Dyantyi: Another 5cm and another 10 kg.

13 Jesse Kriel: Agree with Moffie. Another 30 IQ points.

12 Andre Esterhuizen: .5 seconds faster over 100m

11 Sbu Nkosi: A Better tackling technique. It may not be a problem that can be solved by genetics but he also needs a bit of luck . . . or else find some other way to get more involved in the game.

10 Handre Pollard: An offload.

9 Faf de Klerk: A better boot . . . or even better, less inclination to use the boot.

8 Dan du Preez: Not much. Better hands perhaps but it's a myth that he has butterfingers.

7 Jean Luc du Preez: Better hands.

6 Kwagga Smith: Another 3cm and 5kg.

5 Pieter-Steph du Toit: An offload!

4 Eben Etzebeth: If there's one player who doesn't need anything in the physical department it's Etzebeth . . . but he does need anger management classes and like Nkosi, he needs to find a way to get more involved.

3 Trevor Nyakane: Stamina.

2 Malcolm Marx: Nothing, no physical or genetic changes required.

1 Liza Gqoboka: Stronger thighs.

If my team is not sufficiently representative then Lukhanyo Am for Kriel assuming Am hesitates less and becomes more instinctive . . . again, not sure that something genetics can solve.

Nice post Moffie.

PS I was quite close between Kwagga Smith and Siya Kolisi for the fetcher role. If Kolisi could have a genetic modification it would be a white skin because he's hugely underrated and very unfairly categorised as a quota.

PPS Jaco Kriel was arguably our best fetcher when he was playing here. Not sure if he's maintained those standards since his departure but I wouldn't complain if he was given the #6 jersey.

PPPS Steven Kitshoff and Wilco Louw/Carlu Sadie are obvious considerations for #1 and #3 respectively but Louw and Sadie  both need more athleticism in general play while Kitshoff needs a different hair colour. No-one likes a ginger! 

May 16, 2019, 22:36

Kolisi could be genetically enhanced with Nigerian genes, to help steal possession more effectively. Nigeria is an untapped natural resource of special fetchers.

May 16, 2019, 22:47

"Nigeria is an untapped natural resource of special fetchers."


I have a son-in-law who was trained in the Russian combat art of Systema. His mentor was a Russian who was living in South Africa with dodgy paperwork who took a holiday in Russia and couldn't get back into the country because his passport wasn't legit. They paid the local Nigerian "mafia" to pull some strings and Vadim strolled through local customs as passport control staff looked the other way and he collected a new "legit" SA passport from the last "teller" which allows him to live here "legally".

I know that's a lot of "quotes" but that's how the Nigerians operate. Pay them enough and they can do pretty much anything you need them to do in this country. 

May 17, 2019, 00:24

True, the Nigerians are ingenious at crime. They offer degrees in Nigeria for bank fraud economics and money laundering accounting, as well as IT hacking for hackers.

 It is pretty bizarre how a technologically backward place is capable of cracking most computer systems.

The Diesel Twins could be more flexible to be able to touch their toes - so to be able to contribute at the ruck. Or turn one of them into a smaller fetcher- as playing them both in the same team leaves it weak at the base of the ruck.

Delande, is the perfect physical specimen for the modern game, with all the hardware but no software. I am not sure if his brain genetics could be enhanced, or it may be easier to just start with a new installation. 

Ezetebeth could have two heads, so if/when one loses its cool, the other one could still be functional.

-Flab Malherbe could have a better balance to stop his belly flopping and continual injuries from this action. 

May 17, 2019, 04:34

Excellent post mozart ...... original, clever & funny. On a personal level I know what body part I'll be enhancing.

May 17, 2019, 07:47

Your left thumb Blo?

May 17, 2019, 07:52

Anyone been to Nigeria? 

You don't see a single animal or even a bird in the sky. It's all been eaten. 

Lovely place really. 

Much like Uganda and DRC.

If only whites and Indians didn't own all the land there, then things would be so much better.

May 17, 2019, 09:37

You must be joking.

May 17, 2019, 10:31

Nigeria was seriously pissed off with our movie, District 9, in which Nigerians were depicted in a most unsavory way. The fillum was subsequently banned there.:'(

May 17, 2019, 10:32

A nice post to get greats of the past regenerated - hoping the regeneration goes back a decade and based on the player performances then.   After that virtually all players went backwards fast because of lack of performance ability,   The flops of 2015 were all quoted by Mozart.- so the ate should be set for how many years should the "regeneration" cover.

As to the rest the post open the way the post open up the basis for pet hate attacks by the standard  fools on site - who spread non-true BS led by SB and Mozart himself.  

May 17, 2019, 15:47

Someone depicting Nigies in an unsavoury manner?

Why on earth would anyone do that?

It's not like they have an international reputation for being the world's biggest scumbags or anything.

Had a "discussion" with one some years ago when he swore at me in a car park after literally parking across two bays. He said I was a "poopoo" for parking so close to him.

I relish that conversation to this day. Still feel it a tad in my elbow from time to time ;)

May 17, 2019, 16:12 Pieter Hugo photographer , there are plenty of animals on the streets in Nigeria.....baboons and hyenas. This guy is a very cool artist, check it out.

Funny about District 9 ....Blob.

May 17, 2019, 17:07

Blob, I know you are crazy about D9...what did you think about Chappy...I thought it was funny as hell, but a bit too rough around the edges to watch with the fam.

May 17, 2019, 17:07

Blob, I know you are crazy about D9...what did you think about Chappy...I thought it was funny as hell, but a bit too rough around the edges to watch with the fam.

May 17, 2019, 17:57

Blomkamp(spelling) recently did a short video for a game called Anthem.

His video was better than the game.

Guy has vision.

You need to Log in to reply.
Back to top