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I know why Biltongbek wants a break from this Motley Crew

Forum » Rugby » I know why Biltongbek wants a break from this Motley Crew

Dec 18, 2014, 15:02


The Burden of Being an Arm Chair Critic - By Biltongbek

At the end of the rugby season I find myself mentally fatigued and have come to realise the long season does have a timely break.

Ten months of analysis, debate, commentary and emotional highs and lows take a serious toll not only on the mind, but indeed the body as well.

I could easily end the season on only having two or three fingers useful on the keyboard, as calluses, blisters and the odd broken finger from punching the wall too hard is a regular occurrence.

Some may be of the opinion that being an armchair critic is easy, and something anyone can do.

In fact, how often have you been told as an armchair critic that you could never do the job of your team’s coach, if you could you would be sitting in the coaches box and not on the couch having your laptop at the ready to criticise?

I have been giving it some thought and started wondering how many coaches would be able to do our job. In my usual analytical manner I started comparing the life of a head coach to that of an armchair critic.

A coach has first-hand information at his fingertips. He will have the sprint times, power stats and fitness stats of every player, he knows about each niggle, who is mentally up for it and ready to perform. He will have every detail on match performance by each player available.

We, on the other hand, have none of those statistics readily available. We spend endless hours of research on various websites to collate, confirm and finalise our statistics, we scour the web for news, searching endlessly to gain the necessary information to form our unbiased opinions.

Management team
The coach has a dedicated management team compiling statistics as well as specialist coaches who lighten his load and assist with selections. He does not need to concern himself with the daily logistics or daily program.

As an armchair critic, I actually prefer to be called an amateur rugby analyst and commentator. We have to fulfil all those roles, we need to be fathers, lovers, educators, decision makers, financiers and supervisors in our own homes while keeping up to date with the latest information required to conduct coherent rugby debate, something only the select few are capable of.

If we are lucky, we may have a spouse or partner willing to drop off the occasional beer as the kitchen was en-route to their intended destination anyway. Between texting and Playstation you may be fortunate enough to have an instruction completed to your satisfaction by your kids. Other than that you are basically on your own.

Time and money
Coaching is a full-time job, these days a highly paid job, where travel and accommodation expenses are taken care of, performance bonuses and Per Diem allowances are the order of the day and the coaches can spend 365 days a year focused and dedicated to their profession.

The amateur analyst and commentator on the other hand has a day-time job, something totally unrelated to the sport he so lovingly observes and follows. His research, debate and commitment to the sport is done on a part-time basis, no matter how obsessive you may be towards your chosen sport, it is not a full-time occupation.

Leadership group
Coaches have captains at their beck and call, a leadership group who can make on-field suggestions and share in the responsibility of making decisions.

We don’t, any decision made in your life, the responsibility and accountability rests squarely on your shoulders. The dissatisfaction or disapproval so regularly observed by the diehard rugby supporter in the eyes of a spouse, adolescent teen or parent due to the dismissal or neglect of any other family-orientated pastimes in favour of watching yet another Super Rugby or Test match is a cross we ultimately bear alone.

Media officers
The coach has a professionally appointed media officer who takes care of the media, the only real responsibility the coach has towards the media is a post-match conference or interview. In all fairness, that is nothing but providing a bit of lip service, confirming everyone was fantastic and saying that they will learn from their mistakes and the opposition is respected.

As an amateur commentator your every word is in print and open to criticism, not only your completely unbiased and well formulated opinion, but your use of language, your vocabulary is under scrutiny, your writing style, your use of a few well-placed smileys when the message might come across as slightly harsh or sarcastic.

And tomorrow you have to be back to defend it all, every day, 365 days a year.

Medical team
The coach has a full medical team in support of his players, be it the physiotherapist to sooth sore muscles, a doctor to tend to injuries and getting players to and from hospitals, dieticians to ensure healthy living and sports psychologists to ensure sound mental health.

What do we have? My wife is a panic mechanic when it comes to accidents at home, when she sees blood her usefulness is completely negated. If it is necessary to transport anyone anywhere in an emergency it is up to you, and these emergencies have a tendency for bad timing.

A coach gets to tour without his family where he has no distractions, when not on tour he gets to go to an office where a secretary blocks all unwanted access to him. Yes, even his family can be denied access to him when it is required.

All this so that he can immerse himself in the latest ground breaking move, unless perhaps it is Heyneke Meyer, he may use this time to call Japan, France or the UK to coax retired players back to the international arena.

We on the other hand have continuous distractions, the wife wants to show you her latest knitting project, your son wants you to fix his bicycle or your daughter wants you to take her to the mall.

Every day brings new challenges to distract us from our chosen pastime.

Protection from criticism
It is said that ignorance is bliss, and coaches have the option to stay away from sport forums. They don’t have to read them and therefore can be blissfully unaware of how the public perceives their selections or game plans.

We as amateur analysts and commentators do not have that luxury

His way or the highway
The head coach of any team has the advantage of having it all his own way, ultimately he gets to pick the match day squad and the game plan. It is his decision when the substitutions come on.

This is the hardest part for an amateur analyst and commentator. This is where the glaringly obvious selection mistakes, errors in judgement in subbing players and antiquated game plans come to the fore. Whether it be on a 27-inch Telefunken Television set of 1984 or the latest 50-inch LCD from Samsung, it is there in more than 5000 vivid colours every weekend.

This is where we question the credentials of our coaches, stare in astonishment as the same play is being employed over and over to the point where you can no longer relax your core muscle group and crush anything at hand. I have lost count of the number of remotes necessary to get through a season.

This is where the decision to substitute a hooker when you are five metres from your line becomes an inexplicable reality and no matter how much video footage there is on YouTube to confirm the fallacy of the substitution, it continues to happen.

This is where an ageing winger is outsprinted by the new young loosehead prop of the opposition and you can only ask yourself, why?

The evidence was there during the week when your injured hooker out-sprinted him during the time splits at training.

We often get criticised for our hindsight, some suggesting that it is an exact science of which we have the benefit.

No, the coach has the same hindsight, aptly explained earlier in the piece. Yet we are the only ones criticised for using it. Coaches should be criticised for not using it.

Coaches have the opportunity to experience first hand what it is like to spend time with our heroes. He gets the opportunity to rub shoulders, drink beer, tour and talk to the best players.

They share jokes, triumphs, heartache and elation, in fact you could suggest the head coach has the best seat in the house, whether it be in the changing room, the stand, the aeroplane or the bus.

What do we get? Observing this all from a bloody couch.

So there you have it, spare a thought for your co-amateur analysts and commentators as they take a well-earned break.

Enjoy the festive season, and see you back at the grindstone next year.

Dec 18, 2014, 15:08


Thanks for that book !

Dec 18, 2014, 15:49

 Thanks OB, your opinion means alot to me :)

Dec 18, 2014, 15:54


Obi-Wan Kenobi to you son :P

Dec 18, 2014, 16:01

Nice piece Hakwa, I often have similar misgivings. The only part I didn't get was that bit about a "day job" ....what's that?



Still I also need a break, in technicolour according to these are my off season plans:



Pilot (2014) Poster

Dec 18, 2014, 16:01

 Hakwa, Biltong takes his rugby seriously, as does most of us. He and some others would like to discuss and debate rugby issues in a mature and relaxed environment. On an open puplic forum, you will never get that all of the time. You get your idiots and your all out rude individuals that goes out just to provoke and attack. It's the internet! There are a couple of ways to deal with it, the easiest is to just ignore the stuff that gets to you. I like the odd head to head exchanges as well. I can't be bothered by mere words one little bit. You do however get people that gets tired and irritated by the constant conflict. I suspect BB had enough and decided to call it quits. I hope it's just for the time being and that he will be back soon, but I guess there are no guarantees. IMO, it would hovever be a huge mistake to change the "rules" or to ban someone just to accommodate a single poster, irrespective of that poster's "value"

Many asume that it was a certain new poster that was the last straw, but I don't think so. I think BB gave this site a try and realised it was not for him and rather left. He was used to the Roar and I think he just prefer to rather spend his time there. No big deal, but he will be missed.

Dec 18, 2014, 16:04

Good read!

Dec 18, 2014, 16:06


Indeed, it choked me up a bit.:'(

Dec 18, 2014, 16:08

 Offal, wrong character from the movie as your avatar boet, but good good one all the same.

Dec 18, 2014, 16:18


Obi-Wan Kenobi played by Alec Guinness.

So whats wrong 'boet' ?

Dec 18, 2014, 18:24

 You no Yedi knight.

Dec 18, 2014, 18:52


I am assuming you are Homer Simpson ?

Dec 18, 2014, 21:42

 Obviously  not, but I identify with him much more than you might think.

Dec 18, 2014, 22:11

 Well the players are sensible enough to realise that they occasionally need a break from the game & personally I welcome the off-season .

I reckon there's a sheet load of bickering here cos our talent pool is shallow & currently many of our chosen players decidedly average . I hardly ever visit kiwi blogs but I'm sure that there's very lil debate over their selected AB teams .

Dec 18, 2014, 22:35

You can simulate a stock by buying and selling options. I can simulate old Biltong thus:


Biltong= {[4*(The OOM) + 6*(Sapp)]/10}*P....where P is the price of Kudu on the Grabouw exchange.


The funny thing is OOM and Dave get it wrong all the time, so why does Biltong mostly make sense? The mystery of mathematics. Come back Biltong all is forgiven.

Dec 18, 2014, 22:37


As long as its 'simulate' and not 'stimulate' you fruit salad

Dec 18, 2014, 22:51

 Moz, there are no kudu in Grabouw. Graaf-Reinet or Aberdeen perhaps? R22.00/kg is a fair price lately.

Dec 18, 2014, 23:31

Geez I guess we have to multiply Biltong Bek by zero in that case. Still, Grabouw is my favourite sausage and Kudu is my favourite Biltong. 

Dec 18, 2014, 23:32

I must admit Balls that's a cool avatar. 

Dec 19, 2014, 01:58

 I blame beandork.....

Dec 19, 2014, 08:18

 Warped DUD if Biltong Bek has any regrets on leaving this board it would be not having the benefit of reading my insightful posts and getting a rugby education for FREE! 

I think ou Biltong Bek is burnt out. Too much rugby and focus on rugby has left him frazelled. Trying to cope with Dr Moz's time warp, Rooitwits very immature rants, the kbbs hopeless delusions, ou maaaikie's diatribes, unravelling what snapster was saying (Half the words are usually missing), sharkbok going off track, Bob and Draad missing the point, the obscurity of Sebs posts (Need a doctorate in philosophy to get a vague idea of what he is saying), Warped DUD's esoteric army lingo, JW absurd mole hunting agency, hacked waaugh unfortunate pictures, the kamp ss moles and of course our latest addition oval balls a lunatic of note etc etc etc - I am sure there were other very worthy candidates for the list but I cannot go on forever.
What was there left. Only Beeno's prose and amazing insights somewhat swamped by the efforts of the above cretins.
Ou biltong Bek needs a break oaks. He has laboured long and hard. The ground has been hard and unreceptive at times. 

Biltong Bek I am sure you realise you are well liked here and we all hope you will come back in due course. have a good rest mate. Watch some cricket to calm your nerves. No more rugby research for a month or thinking about the game. Dr Beeno prescibes a complete break. Try and avoid even reading my provocative and insightful posts or Moz's time warp posts as they will only get you going again. It was all too much!!

Go well Biltong Bek and dont think to harshly of us - even if oaks like warped DUD deserve it!!:angry:

Dec 19, 2014, 10:48

Beano, you're full of quack  :'(

Dec 19, 2014, 10:53

 Bob I am deeply grieved and will consider removing myself from the board and joining Biltong Bek on Roar where my considerable talents will be appreciated.

On second thoughts your avatar suggest I shouldnt take all this heavy criticsm too seriously. happy tears emoticon 
What puzzles me is ou Biltong Bek does have a sense of humour so why he takes any bulldust seruiosuly is a puzzlement. Roar must bea pretty dull palce is there is no banter. Perhaps they are all jounalist wannabees taking everything ever so seriously

Dec 19, 2014, 12:16

 Dont you dare go on the Roar beandork! 

You poor wee saffas like BB have suffered enough embarrassment as it is ....

Dec 19, 2014, 14:37

 Agreed, Moz Balls' best avatar to date. It fits.

Feb 09, 2019, 19:05

Notice how I chase Biltongbek off the site.....

Feb 09, 2019, 21:10

Gamer set and match to Dr Moz. Ou maaaikie and that absurd quack rooijackass left frothing and red faced. Hahaahahahahahahaha

Thought my posts were excellent!

Feb 10, 2019, 07:44


I never claimed that Biltongbek was driven off site by Mozart.,   However, like so many others  Biltongbek got sick of the BS personal attacks of the orc and his cronies and stated as such in another thread.    

One cannot differ with the orc on any of his crazy attacks on players and members without becoming the target of vicious personal attacks by the orc and his cronies,    There is a long list of members who gave up on posting on site.

Over the years Dave was the main target - it went on for years and got progressively worse.   The orc even sent me an e-mail to confirm  his vetsak BS - when I did decline to participate in an response he turned vicious on me as well,   In the end after years of vicious personal attacks Dave gave up for a while and only came back recently with the viciousness personal attacks be ignited immediately - the vetsak story is back.

When I was previously a member of site I just lost interest and lefty.   At the time I differed  from Rooinek endlessly and eventually gave up on the site as a rugby discussion site,    In 2012 I got an e-mail from Denny - who I met twice on a personal basis requesting me to rejoin the site,   I rejoined the site and early on it was clear that I differed from the orc about the Meyer selection of aging players not on merit - but on reputation.

It got worse with tine and was not only about rugby selections.   When I wrote bout the improvement De Kock - a 20 year old at the time - brought to the  Proteas team. the vicious bastard started with his pervert attacks on me.   It never was about the games of rugby and cricket - it was on whether  one agrees with the orc om his crazy continuous attacks on players,

In 2013 the targets became monotonously he same players,   After every Super Rugby game played in 2013 there was a thread started by the orc about an injury of Goosen in the game.   There never was an actual injury and Goosen played in the match the next week with another injury story,  I got sick of  the weekly childishness and wrote om site that it is apparent that the orc was hoping that Goosen got injured,   This type of thing got worse and worse,   In 2015 when Du Toit got injured in Super Rugby - after the match he got injured in the orc wrote that he was out for the year,  When he kept in repeating the BS I said one should wait for the specialist report on the injury - the orc went ballistic,   In the end the specialist said that Du Toit would be off for 8 weeks.

The orc's personal attacks on me and Dave got worse and worse.   He targeted his attacks om the same players  as well.   He would try and find reasons fi\or attacking certain players for losing games, while the real culprits  was never mentioned.   It is done with monotonous regularity - normally based on imagined shortcomings and not what really happened.

It was clear that the orc used the site for personal vendettas and not rugby discussions.   Both Rooinek nd Dave gave up and stayed off site for a while - but came back after a while.   the orc started his vetsak attacks on them.   The looney pervert attacks went on for years and I was considering leaving the site - but would not giving in to his objective and decided to stay a  member and just ignore  the orc's pervert BS and not respond to his postings anymore.   

And I have not responded to his BS for a month now and  keep to my promise not to do so.  I still do not want to give him the satisfaction of leaving the site.                     



Feb 10, 2019, 09:33

Beeno, I never claimed that Biltongbek was driven off site by Mozart


Jul 10, 2018, 13:49


However, the problem is that all of Rooinek, Saffex and Biltongbek were driven off site by Mozart with his personal attacks on them.

Feb 10, 2019, 09:47


There was some discussion on the issue of driving members off site at the time and I really forgot about that posting of mine.   Sorry about that one - but what about the rest of the orc's conduct and attack on members?

In retrospect go back and find the attacks by Mozart on biltongbek.   I think that you may find that interesting,   

However, I know that you are one of the faithful supporters of the orc on site so do not expect any real objectivity on your part..  

Feb 10, 2019, 09:55

How about ou maaaaikies attacks on Moz.  You are not as innocent as you make out. Not by along way.

Feb 10, 2019, 10:29

Why not - dim one/?   Did I ever attack the orc as a pervert or even something like that.   Did I attack him or his family personally?   Sure I wrote some of his ideas were stupid and did not reflect what was actually going on.  I said he lied outright about some things and he accused me of the same.   That's fine - but attacking a member as a pervert is character assassination in its worst form and I think you are a complete fool to go along with that type of conduct by the orc.   

By the way  biltongbek posted articles on another website and the above article was the last one on that site.   It had nothing to do with his membership of this site, 

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