Reading some of the recent threads on this forum, I realize we actually need to put up some kind of guide for newbies who might be dumb enough to visit here so they know how to behave and what to expect. Please note, this is not a definitive list nor is it comprehensive, so feel free to add any points of your own. Okay . . .
1. You don't need to have watched any of the weekend games to have an opinion on which players performed well or poorly, you just need to have read some match reports and/or found some meaningless stats that suit your own personal bias.
2. When it comes to picking the team of the weekend, you may have to search a few rugby websites to find a team of the week that matches your own blinkered views or else at least find one of those websites that punts the particular player you're biased towards because a player cannot have had a decent game if he doesn't appear on one of these teams of the week . . . likewise, a player who did get onto some arbitrary team of the week published on some meaningless website may not be faulted for anything he did.
3. If you support the Hapless Stompies and they happen to win (thankfully this doesn't happen very often), be sure to tell all the other supporters what losers they are and how much egg they have on their faces because your team finally managed to win a game.
4. If you support the Hapless Stompies and they lose as usual, the reasons they lost were not because they played badly, it is one of the following (or a combination of these):
- The Stompies had an injury (note that no other teams ever get injuries)
- The naughty ref cheated
- The naughty ref's assistant cheated
- The naughty TMO cheated
- It rained
- It didn't rain
- It was humid
- The Stompies were unlucky
5. If someone disagrees with you about anything, it's because he or she is stupid and knows nothing about rugby.
6. If someone calls you stupid and says you know nothing about rugby, threaten to punch them.
7. If there's ever any kind of dispute over the size or weight of a player, the website where you found the player's weight is right and the other twenty that have it slightly different are all wrong.
8. Ignore Baboon-ou. Trust me on this one!
9. If you don't like Fantasy Rugby then don't click on threads with the words "Fantasy Rugby" in the title. (I know this sounds rather obvious, but - unbelievably - some people need to be told this).
10. If you don't like a certain player, don't just tell the other posters once, tell them how much you dislike the player in every single post you make.
11. If your team loses or underperforms, make sure you post something within about 30 seconds of the final whistle otherwise you will be accused of hiding away.
12. Only Moffie is allowed to edit his posts if he makes a mistake or a typo . . . and if Moffie ever makes a mistake, it wasn't really a mistake, it was bait.
13. If Moffie wears high-heeled shoes, stands on his tiptoes and wears a high-brimmed hat, he is 0.0005 mm taller than Dave. (Sorry if that tip sounds a bit bizarre but it's actually very, very important if you want to survive on the Ruckers Forum!)
14. There is no right age for a player. All players are either too young or too old.
15. Kiwis and Aussies are tolerated on the forum provided they don't express support for their teams.
16. I fyo uignor eti pnumbe r 8 theny oub estl earnB aboon-ous peak.
That's a start anyway. Like I said, feel free to add your own.
