Best Joke?

Who's got a good joke to share ?

 Why did the chicken cross the road?

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

 So this dude is taking his new sportscar out for a spin in the country when a chicken goes flying past him at 80kph ! Astonished he gives chase and follows it into a farm yard and pulls up next to a grinning farmer ."Hi he says this might sound crazy but a chicken just ...." interjects the farmer " a chicken just overtook yer car ? " "why yes ,whats that all about ?"Says the farmer " well I like a chooky leg and the missus and 2 kids do too so I bred a four legged chicken " "thats amazing !" says the driver "what do they taste like ?" "I dont know " says the farmer " I cant catch em ! "So Sharkbok in answer to your question I would say at high speed to dodge hungry farmers !

 

 I enjoyed this slag while watching cricket the other night....

 

Mike Haysman asked his  co-commentators about being struck by a cricket ball..

 

Ravi Shastri remebered the one he copped from Courtney Walsh

 

"Shattered my box and the tender area behind it and while I was writhing around in total agony, Dessie Haynes saunters up and says

 

Hey mon, that girl you were dating tonite.....what's her phone number"?

 

 I met Desmond Haynes and some of the other Windies players in 1988 I think it was ? He had "Friend " named Julie who was his errr...ummm...one of his "girls in every port "  I was at Uni with her so I got an intro ,cool dudes !They all signed a bat for my oldest boy too.

Some good ones Wardad, et. al.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" 
From the Goon Show (Spike Milligan)

Nice hit Hakwa. All a matter of body position & one heck of a lot of power, lol Those guys should play each other every day. I would really help rugby - maybe no SA rugby but everyone else's 

 I loved the Goon Show ! Spike Milligan and co were the bees knees eh ?Heres another then .Beaner ,Denny and justwin were staggering home down a country lane after the pub shut when just-win spots a chicken and grabs it for the pot when he gets home .Staggering along a bit further Denny spots a big fat sheep which he catches by the back legs and wheels home like a wheel-barrow for a nice bit 'o mutton vindaloo when he gets home .Beaner not to be out done filches the only thing he can see which was a big ol' shovel .Next day the coppers round them up and they all front the judge who demands an explanation for these nefarious doings .First up is just-win who pleads not guilty when asked to explain the quick thinking JW says " Your honour ,I have had that chicken ever since it was a wee little chick ! " fair enough says the beak and lets him go 'Next up is Denny and the beak growls at him " I suppose you had that sheep ever since it was a little lamb gamboling across the fields ?" umm....." why yes your honour did you know poor little lambiekins ? " Bailiff toss him out before I lose my patience !"Last and lonely is the poor wee beanie who is desperate not to upset his Mutter and Vater yet again by ending up back in the jug " whats your excuse little man ?" growls the judge .Umm I er umm.oh yes your honour I have had that spade ever since it was a tea spoon !"See told ya beaner just cant call a spade a bloody spade hahhahaha!

Fantastic Wardad, lol 

 Good one Arizona.
Here's one:

A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. "I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue. "Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too." Their exchange continues:

1st: Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?
2nd: St. Catherine Street. And you?
1st: St. Catherine Street, same as you!
2nd: Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?
1st: St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy.
2nd: Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!

This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?" The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."

 

Status: Bok regular
Posts: 1338 RE: Best Joke?
December 15, 2013, 04:03:17

 I enjoyed this slag while watching cricket the other night....

 

Mike Haysman asked his  co-commentators about being struck by a cricket ball..

 

Ravi Shastri remebered the one he copped from Courtney Walsh

 

"Shattered my box and the tender area behind it and while I was writhing around in total agony, Dessie Haynes saunters up and says

 

Hey mon, that girl you were dating tonite.....what's her phone number"?

 

That reminded me of this one by Bumble. Nobody beats Bumble when it comes to telling cricket tales and even having a laugh at his own expence.

 good one Ceradyne - had to wipe tears from my eyes from all the laughing!

Ceradyne: that's classic mate!  

 

hakwa

Status: Bok regular
Posts: 1809 RE: Best Joke?
December 15, 2013, 16:44:30  good one Ceradyne - had to wipe tears from my eyes from all the laughing!
As I said, Bumble is a classic. Another one when  he  hit Murali for a six in an exhibition match:

 Henry the Hillybilly lumberjack decides to bite the bullet and buy hisself one of them new fangled chainsaws he's heered so much about ,especially after seeing an ad in the Ozark Times sayin' as how a man can cut 100 tons of lumber a day ! On the first day he only manages 50 tons ,then 40 tons and by the end of the week he's so goddanged tired he's down to a mere 10 tons a day .Angrier than a riled up hornets nest he goes back to the shop with his chainsaw ."This goddurned thang aint worth a damn !" he yells at the salesman '"Well just hand me that there saw and we'll soon sort this out " says the salesman .The salesman yanks on the starter cord and it fires up with a loud ROAAAARRR!!!"Lawdy !!!" yells Henry the Lumberjack " Whars' that goddurned noise comin' from !!???"

 Good one Wardad