Happy Easter folks, hope these bring a smile to your face;-
Have a good Friday everyone!!!
Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney has visited fellow pro footballer Fabrice Muamba in hospital.......... 'It was really great to see him and amazing that he can actually string a sentence together' said Mr Muamba!!
I was shopping with my wife at our local supermarket yesterday when completely out of the blue she said to me.. 'You really are a lazy bastard you know'..I was so shocked, I amost fellout of the shopping trolley!!
I got a leaflet through the door today that read ' If you are an alcoholic, phone the following number NOW'...so I rang the number.... and got straight through to the local liqour store !!
Barman says to Paddy 'I see your glass is empty, would you like another one'? Paddy said 'Why the feck would I want two empty glasses'?
Murphy asked Paddy 'What ringtone have you got'? Paddy said ' fecking brown like everyone else I'd imagine'!!
I've just found out my best friend is a mime artist.............he kept that bloody quiet I must say!!
I'm the kind of fuckin guy who always says what's on my fuckin mind.
Although my doctor actually calls it 'Tourette's Syndrome'!!
I've got a few cuts and bruises after I went to a really rough fancy dress party last night dressed as a giant crossword.....Yep,someone filled me in!!
A baby was born without eyelids, however, the doctors knew what to do. After he was circumcised, they used the foreskin to make new eyelids. It turned out to be a success. He ended up with great foresight, but he was a bit cock-eyed!!
"A double whiskey please bartender." I said.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't serve you." he replied.
"Are you saying I'm too pissed?"
"No sir, I'm saying this is a shoe shop."...I must visit my optician.
It's a shame Jonny Wilkinson has retired, my favourite memory was watching in awe while he crouched with an expression of intense concentration on his face as he squeezed it between the posts.
I never did find out why he was shitting against my garden fence!!
Training was delayed at Toyota Park yesterday after a mysterious white substance was found on the grass.
After closer inspection, and forensic testing, the results came back.
The substance unfamiliar to Sharks players was, in fact, the try line!!
Aaah, School Rugby, great times eh?... Showering naked with the lads, whipping them with towels, comparing penis sizes, pulling other guys shorts down.
The Headmaster however, did not think this was appropriate behaviour for the Head of PE........
A Welsh under-15 rugby team set a new record at the weekend after getting gubbed 187-0.
The shattered players are now hoping to get their confidence back by arranging a friendly against Scotland!!
And, speaking of rugby.....Hitler Reacts to the Springbok loss at the hands of Bryce Lawrence and Australia
