Meyer's coming for us, please help!!

It's been a while since I've posted anything but I can assure you I have monitored the niggle on here for months.
I woke this morning in my much loved Perth, WA, flicked to the back pages of the West Australian to get the low down on the weekends sport. Came across a lovely article.
" Meyer has thrown his hat in the ring for the Force job"
What to do??Please help.

 He was bound to get revenge on the Aussies somehow.. 

Now you take my "hit fund" more seriously huh.

 Haaaaaaahahahahaha!!!
This should be interesting.
Let's face it, the Force need all the help they can get ... 

 Ye, I reckon any coach will do. Half the squad is South African and probably bring Vikkie on as backline coach.
I think it could be a good thing. We can recruit all the talented white folk that wont get a look-in on the Boks due to Quota's. Jaco Kriel is first on our list.

You leave Jaco Kriel alone my friend. Else I shall change the name on my hit list to MonsterBok.

Nice!Our stocks are low at hooker so we'll give Marx a contract to come and live by da beech.Faf will probably be dropped because he played to well and he's "White", but he'll fit in well because he looks like a surfie dude. 
We will also would like to have Jesse and we'll play him at fullback. Thanks.
You can keepBeast, Stauss, Malhash-up (Who rated that f**kwit?), Trevor- I eat way to much pap!, Louw, Duane (Sadly), Kolisister (useless), Jantjies, Damian (Sadly), Rudy, that other quota hooker, JP, Mvovie, and that ass wipe Willie.
I might have left out a few players you can keep.  

 Fine. You are now on the list. Expect a visit from a bald man with a barcode on the back of his head.

He's been instructed to make it quick

 Haaaaaahahahahahaaa!!!
I don't think I like you, Monster. There's a sinister feel about you. I get the feeling you don't have our well being in mind. Can't quite put my finger on it.
Our relationship could however improve dramatically if you were to say target the wonderful players you have under your "you can keep" list. 
They've been wrongly accused of incompetence by the media. You should never believe everything that's written.     
Don't let Trevor's flabby mid section put you off. He's a diamond in the rough. If you get him to leave the pap, pizza, double cheese burgers, and kfc, he'd trim right down to around 155kg ... he could then be well suited to your cause.
Do consider it