When somebody close to you dies, there are no comforting words. Time heals all wounds, at least he did not suffer, she’s in a better place.
People make such comments because they do not want to see you suffer. Well forgive me, but I need to suffer. I need to feel the hurt inside me.
Rugby is just a game. It is not a matter of life and death. Losing a rugby game can in no way be compared to losing a loved one.
That is not the reason I make the analogy. When New Zealand lose at rugby, it is not a time for mourning or grieving. The players cannot win all their games. You cannot, however, take away from me that numbing feeling of pain. Defeats hurt but I am okay with that hurt. You have to accept it is there.
As an All Black fan, I am in no doubt the players are hurting after that loss. They got themselves back into the match and retook the lead.
I offer my heartfelt congratulations to our greatest rivals and their fans. They are fulling deserving of their victory. There are no excuses. There never are. What might have been is irrelevant. New Zealand lost.
South Africa fans are fully entitled to their feelings of elation but I must not try to put a brave face on. I must accept defeat and take it on the chin but it is okay to feel its hollowing effects. I tip my hat to my vanquisher but I do not hide the fact that losing today hurts.
When you lose, it is always tempting to put a positive spin on defeat.
If we were going to lose a match, that was the opponent to do it against and the manner in which to do it. I can hear that comment being made as I write this. This game did not mean anything and South Africa wanted it more. It is good to get a loss leading up to the World Cup. Winning every game builds up too much pressure.
I fully anticipate such comments. I do not even doubt some of their validity. They do not take away the pain, though.
If Richie McCaw had taken three points when they were on offer, we would not be having this conversation now. We really missed Brodie Retallick. How did that replay of that ugly Messam tackle pop up on the big screen with no call from the ref or advice from the touch judges?
Those are more comments I can see being made. I argued in Wellington that South Africa should have taken the three points on offer in the 74th minute. At 11 points down, Richie’s insistence on going for a try could well be questioned and how that wonderfully taken penalty goal by Patrick Lambie came about needs to be clarified but it does not matter.
South Africa won and they are deserving winners. No excuses or comforting words can be found for me.
Positives as well as negatives need to be both evaluated and talked about for the upcoming match. You cannot put a positive spin on defeat though. You cannot explain away defeat. You can only work towards improving for the next match but in order to move on, you have to face up to the reality of what has happened. You have to feel a genuine, honest reaction.
New Zealand were simply not good enough in the first half. South Africa were bold and adventurous and it paid dividends.
When previously they would have kicked, they spun the ball wide looking for gaps. New Zealand were caught napping and the open spaces were found. A wonderful try to Hougaard was followed up by the young Pollard identifying slow runners in the defensive line.
By contrast we did not see Beauden Barrett, who tasted defeat for the first time, take on the line and look for those gaps. New Zealand came back with their own adventure through Savea (you can argue who is greater but both players do not know how to score against South Africa) and Fekitoa did what Pollard did and sniffed out weakness in the South African defensive line.
A fair reflection of how the first half went would happen after an attacking South African scrum saw Pollard take the line on and the gamble paid off.
South Africa were flooding the breakdown and disrupting New Zealand ball. Vermeulen is surely the player of the year putting in another man-of-the-match display. He was not alone with Bismarck Du Plessis and Teboho Mohoje examples of players who stole New Zealand ball and deprived them of continuity.
The second half saw New Zealand control territory and possession better. South Africa were tiring as the half went on and I think Richie McCaw sensed with two tries needed, going for three points was going for enough. I have no problem with people saying with so much time on the clock, you take the points and you aim to get the ball back and score more points. I have no problem with the idea that the decision was eventually vindicated and South Africa’s confidence took a beating when Ben Smith expertly finished off his chance cutting inside.
It certainly looked that way with the next score with New Zealand not needing to do much but let their man advantage speak for itself and they were in the corner. A difficult kick but it needed to be made by Barrett.
Lambie made a drop goal attempt but I was confident of New Zealand holding out South Africa like they did in Wellington. Liam Messam should feel the weight of responsibility as his careless tackle saw the South Africa retake the lead and New Zealand could not repeat their Ireland heroics.
I expect Aaron Cruden to come back for the Brisbane match and Beau Barrett to drop to the bench. I also expect Ryan Crotty to replace Malakai Fekitoa, Keven Mealamu to make way for Dane Coles and Thrush to drop to the bench with Brodie Retallick back. Perhaps harsh on Fekitoa but Crotty’s performance in Eden Park and his brief cameo justify a recall. It was pleasing for me to see Steven Luatua look hungry and sharp as well and Hansen will have a hard time deciding whether he picks Sam Cane or Steve Luatua.
There are things to work on and positives to take on for the match in Brisbane.
New Zealand lost today though and no comforting words are going to make me feel any better. New Zealand will regroup and look for big gains in improvement.
Until that match in Brisbane occurs, it is not a question of wallowing in despair or self pity. It is owning up to the loss and recognising the sting of defeat. In order for it not to become a habit, you have to be honest with your feelings. New Zealand do not need to put a brave face on to the world. The world needs to know that they are hurting by what happened today.
