An Ode to Moronic Mike

Every morning on the Board you can see him arrive

He stands 5 foot seven, and weighs 245

Rather narrow at the shoulder and broad at the hip

He gets  kinda fussy if you give him some lip

Moronic Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike

Mike always  says  he comes from Ballito

But it now appears he was incognito

For nobody recalls Moronic Mike Street

Nor those other  fantasies he loves to tweet

Moronic Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike

Still if you are picking your ODI  openers

And Amla comes up for a game at the Wanderers

Mike is a  shrewd discerner of class

And no  dissembler when offered a glass.

Of Bubbly Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike

For he will select your ODI team

And if you would grant ... a T20 scheme

In which Amla would certainly not be dropped

But come in at 7 in case you have flopped

Moronic Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike

And so it must be obvious to all who can see

That a cricketing Fundi always has to be

A man whose vision hits the mark

Though his many fulminations are but a lark

Like Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike.

A pithy response one can  always expect

And hints of an ascerbic nature detect

But tis not the issue from a heart that is bleak

But rather the mumblings of a silly old freak

Moronic Mike, Moronic Mike

Very Moronic Mike

No RooiAAS you are not embarrassed for me.....you see I still recall your pathetic efforts at verse, with nursery school rhymes and crippled rhythm. 

Actually Draad I was leaving bouncing Mike alone until yesterday when he lost his cool. This is a gentle response....look no four letter words or nasty names! Well, moronic, I confess, but that is scarcely new news.

Wrong Bloo the rhyme is complex and the rhythm, the most challenging part, is precise. Recite this fine work and you will see it slides off your tongue. Technically it's as precise as you would expect from a guy whose translation of Virgil's Aeneid  was used by the whole school. 

For example note the subtle alliteration in:

"Mike is a  shrewd discerner of class

And no  dissembler when offered a glass."

The use of repitition and alliteration in "Moronic Mike".

The complex and relevant rhyming ...."incognito and Ballito" ...."openers and Wanderers", with it's delightful silent "er" in the middle. Something that reads out of rhythm but normal speech puts right back in rhythm.

And the rhyming supports the plot it's not gratuitous, it tells the story.

It's actually good stuff. Enjoy it, don't lets RooiAAS' jealous little snipe bother you.

 Classic RooiAAS, the rhythm is wrong.....he needs one more beat in the first line.

"Moffie has"  is much better than "moffie's" which slurs over the extra beat, and forces you to unnaturally elongate "ie's". Which in turn doesn't allow you to put comfortable emphasis on "Moff".

And the rhyming is right back to your usual nursery rhyme style.

Tell you what try your hand AAs and I'll do my best to help.

This little effort got lost at the end of a string the other day ....perhaps you will enjoy this a bit more Bloo:

Settled down to watch the Stormers game

enjoying a spot of lunch

Open rugby earned the Blues their fame

But Triggsy preferred  the punch

So he picked the strongest Stormers chap

and launched the dastardly blow

Duane said 'what was that slap' 

And Joubert needed to know

It couldn't be seen on the TMO screen

But the Linesman was on the spot

Triggsy it seemed had tried to be mean

And a red card was his lot.

Again notice the rhyme tells the story.  And this time there is a modest example of assonance (no puns please) in the line ..."it couldn't be seen on TMO screen".

The rhythm in this piece is pretty rudimentary though, a bit like the Beatles "Rocky Raccoon", just as the Ode to Mike is based on  "Big John".

"His rival, it seems
Had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magill
And she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy"

Notice though in this case,  the clumsy:

"Her name was Magill

And she called herself Lil

But everyone knew he as Nancy"

A good example of gratuitous rhyming.

I scribble these things off in a heart beat....but one can tinker with them for some time.

Big John
Big John

Ev'ry mornin' at the mine you could see him arrive
He stood six foot six and weighed two forty five
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
And everybody knew, ya didn't give no lip to Big John

(Big John, Big John)
Big Bad John
(Big John)

Nobody seemed to know where John called home
He just drifted into town and stayed all alone
He didn't say much, he kinda quiet and shy
And if you spoke at all, he just said, "Hi" to Big John

Somebody said he came from New Orleans
Where he got in a fight over a Cajun Queen
And a crashin' blow from a huge right hand
Sent a Louisiana fellow to the Promised Land, Big John

(Big John, Big John)
Big Bad John
(Big John)

Then came the day at the bottom of the mine
When a timber cracked and men started cryin'
Miners were prayin' and hearts beat fast
And everybody thought that they'd breathed their last, 'cept John

Through the dust and the smoke of this man made shell
Walked a giant of a man that the miners knew well
Grabbed a saggin' timber, gave out with a groan
And like a giant Oak tree, he just stood there alone, Big John

(Big John, Big John)
Big Bad John
(Big John)

And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove
Then a miner yelled out, "There's a light up above"
And twenty men scrambled from a would-be grave
Now there's only one left down there to save, Big John

With jacks and timbers they started back down
Then came that rumble way down in the ground
And then smoke and gas belched out of that mine
Everybody knew it was the end of the line for Big John

(Big John, Big John)
Big Bad John
(Big John)

Now they never reopened that worthless pit
They just placed a marble stand in front of it
These few words are written on that stand
At the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man, Big John

(Big John, Big John)
Big Bad John
(Big John)

(Big John)
Big Bad John

Then why do you want to bat him at 7 for the Proteas in the T20?  And keep your language clean old chap, nothing uglier than an old man using bad language.

Mike you ask the following:

"'Find one place where I said anything like you mentioned above. Mozart - this is getting absurd.  Are you basically dishonest or just pretending to be.'  

Well here you are simpleton:

"I am not sure of Amla on ODI level - he is no doubt excellent in tests - but on ODI a questionable opener - and then we have another opener that should have been at no 3 and is not an opening batter at all. De Villiers and Faf were poor yesterday - but are reliable batters - so that was an anomaly. That brings me to Duminy - who also failed in batting this series.

I think the Proteas should look at their batting line-up for ODI's and start developing a player like Quinton De Kock as an opener - might not work out in the short term - but he cannot be worse than the present openers".....Moronic Mike

There you are you laughable old fool. HasBEEN I repeat my quesion.....what the hell do you think Moronic Mike is saying when he says that de Kock couldn't be worse than either ODI opener.

So why are you opening the string, you know what it's about. You may be ok being called a liar by the fellow who is in fact lying....I'm not. Call that a weakness if you like but it doesn't sit well with me.

The Moron writes this

"Now the fossil is still not responding to the issue of Amla not being in the recent T20 squads of the Proteas.  Is that too hard to grasp for this idiot.   But then one must accept that he does not know the difference between the 50 over and 20 over competitions and the performance requirements in those two versions of the game.An utter idiot - but what else can one expect from him and a liar to boot."

You see he was commenting on Amla in T 20s, just as I reported. So what does that say....he is lying through his teeth.

Which is bad enough Chabal but then you treat our cases as equal? Excuse me if that pisses me off.

That's just the point Sebastien, we aren't both wrong. If saying that makes me an ar se so be it. You are a good fellow and I understand you have good intentions, but if we don't enforce honesty on this site pretty soon it will be just like the real world out there, which you find so unacceptable.

Nuff said.