2026 . . .

So far, 2026 has been the most life-changing year for me since 1981.

First off, I started writing. I'm recently retired and I've alway wanted to be a writer but lacked the courage. Now that I've written something, I'm identifying as a writer which is quite a big deal for me and my self-esteem. I also just want to mention here (at the risk of alienating any Trumpanzees) that while Bozo wasn't the inspiration for my story, he was the reason I finally sat down and wrote it. It was shortly after his GOP retreat speech in January. He was bragging about how he'd ended the US involvement in the Paris Accord and boasted about how he's ended so many other green and environmental issues that were all just "hoaxes" . . . and then he started on windmills again. Not sure how many of you know about Trump's hatred for windmills (Google it) but it was while watching that speech that I thought to myself, "Fuck this, I'm going to write a story about a windmill . . . and it's going to be a good fucking windmill!"

Secondly, my wife of 43 years left me. She got so sick and tired of me being so inattentive and self-absorbed she took some "me" time, telling me in no uncertain terms that if I didn't seek therapy then she wasn't coming home. I'm very pleased to say that I did seek therapy, got some very positive outcomes and while she's still not home yet, she will be coming home and I hope our relationship will be stronger than ever. The change of tone in our Whatsapp messages over the last few days has been the single most positive thing for me.

Thirdly, I went to see a therapist. The first guy I saw was pretty useless. As someone who had only been for therapy once in my life before with a very negative outcome, I was thinking "here we go again" but I understood the conditions my wife had given me so I tried someone else and what a good decision that was. It was like chalk and cheese. Within about 10 minutes of me talking he diagnosed me with severe ADHD, something I'd never even guessed at. I cannot begin to tell you how much introspection I've been doing since then and how it's made me reframe so many events and so many behaviours of mine. I reasearched it and I tick every box. Late-diagnosis ADHD often leads to both guilt at how hard it must have been for people to grow up around your inabilty to suppress anger and emotions but it also leads to a bit of relief that things like procrastination and inabilty to initiate things are not character flaws but a deficiency (or dysregulation rather) of something called dopamine. I'm sure some of you have kids or know young people with ADHD and are taking ritalin or whatever, but I promise you, only finding out at my age is quite a thing. For me anyway.

I don't know how many of you have noticed a change in my tone over the last week or so but I just want to say that the other thing I've discovered is that I've abused this forum for too long trying to make up for the fact that I'm such a people-pleaser in real life. I'm very different to the character I try to portray. I've learned that even people like Mozart, Plum and Empower - none of whom owe me any kindness or respect - have still given me that kindness and respect, especially with regard to my writing attempts.

I am humbled. I am not only going to become a better husband, father, grandfather and writer, I'm also goiing to become a better poster. At the end of the day, we are all bound by our love for rugby and whether we agree with each other or not, we can still show each other some respect and compassion.

Even ou Maaik.

Sorry, I know I'm over-sharing here. Thanks to anyone for listening to me and do yourself a favour, read up about ADHD and look for symptoms. For me it was procrastination. In the workplace I had a number of important tasks but the more important that task, the more I would put it off until it became a crisis and I'd deal with it. There were many other boxes I ticked but that was the one that made me realise. There are many others. Quick to temper, seeing insult or offence where none was intended, scattered thoughts, hyperfocus, calmness in a crisis (because I'm so used to chaos) and so many others. Check it out.

Well done Rooinek…..and best of luck.

It's good to talk, Rooi. Men don't do it enough and that's part of why our suicide rate is sky high. Sounds like you've done some good introspection and humility is always a great point to move forward from. All the best. Hope to see you regularly on the match threads when you can participate.

I will, Pakie. Always enjoy the match threads and you're a reason for that . . . but I stayed away out of petty pride.

Thanks . . . Mozart.

Well Rooinek, I think everything is going to be fine. You’ve definitely made some changes, and it’s refreshing.

I sincerely hope that you and your wife can patch things up. I got divorced from my German wife, and that was the right thing for me.

I find freedom intoxicating and can’t imagine being tied down to one woman again. That’s just me.

A true bond like the one you have is something special, though. All the best, and welcome Preacher RooiTit 2.0… A-fucken-men :)

Rooinek, I wish you luck in your writing, your marriage and with your ADHD.

I look forward to reading more from you in the future :)

Big of you to share Rooinek. Hope all works out for you in regards your personal life and the writing and if your missus stuck around you for 43 yrs she must be damn fine woman and worth fighting for.

Sorry to hear about your hardship with your wife ...glad you are getting help...

I got diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my kids did...tried the Retalin and Conserta for a while, but a while it helped with the focus, it makes me anxious...I stopped with it and made some life style changes ...it gets easier when you know...and there are natural treatments that help a lot ...CBD oil and Lion's Mane ...and you have to Identify your weaknesses and have contingency plans to cope and manage your behaviour ... it's a process...

As for you coming out and share this on this site, with the history you have with some of us...RESPECT! ... you've made my day...all the best going forward...

As for your book, I haven't haven't got time ATM, but I will get to it eventually...as for 2026, we have that in common... it's been a rollercoaster for me thus far...but everything still good...

Good luck.

PS...like I noted before, there's a marked change in your attitude...and for the good...we all don't come here to be in an echo chamber, but to exchange views...not that you need my approval whatsoever, but I can live with the Rooi of the last 2 months...

Very true, Paks.

A friend of mine, who is a massive deal in my industry here in SA, recently got back on track after a period in his life that he felt almost killed him. His wife was a severe alcoholic...still is.

He and I were on a long drive yesterday and he was telling me about it.

He said that she was so hectic with the booze, and for such a long time, that he became embarrassed to have people over or go out with her. That he basically became a hermit sitting at home next to a drunk wife and trying to stop her constantly running their daughters down and/or fighting with them.

The stress became so bad that he developed severe rheumatoid arthritis and couldn't walk. This guy is in his early 50s.

His mother ended up coming to fetch him, took him to her house and nursed back to health. She refused to allow his wife to have contact. The chap then goes to some music festival, has a copious amount of mushrooms, sees his life from a distance and realises that his biggest mistake was not talking to his children and family. He said, it's like he forgot that he was a part of the family and that they care for him as much as he cares for them.

He ends up speaking with his children, friends, her parents etc, and they all tell him that he needs to leave her and none of them would blame him if he did.

This was like a year ago.

Now he's back on track and was in brilliant form yesterday.

And all it took was him talking to his family about and their closest to him.

It's a long way of saying, I fully agree Pakie.

And well done, Rooi. There's always more love around us than we notice.

Go well Rooi, life’s challenges are limitless,our thoughts are with you.

Since we're touching on the topic, here's a short film about men's mental health. Just 10 minutes. Just hearing other blokes talk about the struggle I'm sure many of us go through from time to time (and sometimes much of the time) is already a kind of therapy. Maybe on one of those nights you feel all alone and like no one hears you or cares, this kind of thing might just ease it all up a bit and pull you through to a new day and another chance.

Interesting read Roo, best of luck going forward.

Thanks Stav. Things are looking up for me on a few fronts since I posted that.

And may I just say thank you to Mpower, becs, Xavi, DbDraad, Plum and Denny as well.

When I hit that submit button I thought to myself, this can go one of two ways. Thanks for helping make it go the right way. Your kindness is sincerely appreciated.

Draad, a lot of that history you speak of is my abuse of this forum that I spoke of.

If I came across as a deeply unpleasant person it was half by design but I think even that was subconscious.

The way I see it now, I needed an outlet for always being the nice guy . . . so I used this forum to be the opposite.

I'm pleased to say I don't think that way anymore.

If I had to guess, I would have to say that I have not directly responded to a post from Rooinek in over 2 years now.

I could be wrong, but it is quite possibly even longer than that, but I am not really sure

The constant back and forth insults between us became so boring and repetitive for me, that I just didn't want to put any more energy into doing that anymore, because it was almost a daily thing.

This definitely came from both sides as well .... I was certainly no angel at all in our regular ongoing and sometimes hostile debates, arguments or disagreements.... some of them going on for weeks, and it got really tiresome and tedious for me.

I also quietly watched from the sidelines, how some posters would very often offer a compliment or an olive branch to Rooinek in some way, shape or form..... only to get horribly insulted or disrespected the next day or week......which illustrated to me that no decent conversation was ever really possible with Rooinek, without the regular flow of insults coming your way, hence the reluctance to engage or respond for so long.

Then I recently started seeing that Rooinek's behaviour towards his regular "enemies" on this forum took a dramatic u-turn..... in a direction that I have certainly never seen from him before.....ever.

He was being just way too nice or cordial, on a more regular basis, to people he really didn't like on here..... and this was strange behaviour for me to witness......in fact it looked like 100% fake behaviour to me.

After some serious thought, I was absolutely convinced that all of this "fake" new behaviour from Rooinek, actually had to do with him plugging this new book, and that he was only wanting to get on the good side of any poster that he could, even his regular "enemies" .....so that they could all help him promote his new passion ....writing.

Then Rooinek decided to post his book on here for free.... so that also changed my thoughts on what his real motives were... more strange behaviour from him... what was going on here.

Then Rooinek went and posted something very intimate and personal about what he has being going through lately, especially with his wife leaving him after 43 years .... and also what he has unknowingly been living with throughout his life, which has resulted in a very late diagnoses of ADHD..... something so many people suffer from these days, without ever really knowing about it....nor how it negatively affects those family and friends living with and around it....... and then also going to therapy to resolve what issues he could..

I read the book .....all of it ..... and I walked away from that read believing that the individual who wrote it, that I do not know, has some serious writing skills.... I was very impressed.

Without going back to the beginning of the book, I even remembered that the first opening line in the book was about a butterfly that moved... which was strange, because it meant that it had somehow resonated with me in some unique way.

I hope everything works out with your relationship with your wife Rooinek..... because after 43 years together, it is without a doubt definitely worth fighting for, and if she has already put up with your shit for that many years, not only does she need a gold / platinum medal, she also deserves your personal committment and dedication to making it work again.... so good luck.

I have never been to therapy before....but a few friends of mine have.... and it most definitely works....

People often see therapy as a weakness, but I don't and I never have and I never will.... because it's the ability to admit that you need help, that is the bravest thing any human being can do...so well done, I hope you continue with it.

I hope your decision to become a better person overall is a long lasting one, it can only improve your relationships with those family and friends around you....including your friends on this forum.

As for your first attempt at a book .....we have had many interactions before, over many years, where I could very easily admit that I wasted quite a lot of unnecessary wasted time in my life engaging with our usual ongoing bullshit .... but reading your book was definitely not one of them...... it was refreshing..... so keep it up, I am a avid reader, and I definitely spot some skill there.... of that I have no doubt.

Thanks DA. What you very accurately described above was the fake me. He's gone.

I feel a bit like Smeagol trying to get rid of Gollum right now.

Thanks for the kind comments on the book.

I am dumb struck amazed...Darth Vader has rejected the Dark Side...best of luck Rooinek...

Smeaglol, any good reads on dealing with HDHD that's working for you?

Draad, I haven't read up any book yet. What I know about ADHD is what Ko and my therapist have told me. I started medication a few days ago but it's not the dopamine ones like Ritalin or Concerta because I already have high blood pressure, it's a thing called Inir. Not feeling much different to be honest but I'm still on a half dose.