A Rassie story

At dinner last night, my girlfriend tells me the following...

Over the weekend, she was at an event with a friend of hers. Since the Boks were playing, the rugby came up in conversation.

Her friend, a lady that I also know, says, "Rassie Erasmus still owes me R300."

My girlfriend obviously asks her what she is talking about.

So her friend tells her that back in the early 2000s, she was a sports and fitness massage therapist in JHB. Apparently Rassie came in, she worked on him for 90 minutes.

At the end of the massage he said he'd go and withdraw money and come back to pay her.

Well, Rassie never came back.

Imagine that. Our hero Rassie, basically scamming a girl in her early 20s, when he obviously would have had the money to pay her.

According to her, he was also tweaking his tits off at the time and she was convinced he was on something.

Of course this is all alleged.

But I have to say, this woman is a straight arrow. I have no reason to think that she would make up a random lie like that.

Bullshit.

there is no way you have a girlfriend!

Chips, my body count is higher than your IQ.

Mind you, that's not saying much ;)

That May be true, but at least mine were all consensual.

If you can't turn a no into a yes, then what kind of man are you?

Plum I hope your Girlfriend didn’t find out about your singles search in England:)

That would cause major Kak ….

But a interesting story nonetheless. Rassie earning Millions but to stingy to pay R300…..:)

He was most probably high on the Devils Dandruff….mind you a bump or two now and then, is quite fun:)

Make sure that you only do it between Boxing Day and New Years.

Words to live by

I'm afraid we'll have to get confirmation from Meyer Bosman's mom before we can give this tale any credence.

So ButtPlug, tell us the story when you met Hansie Cronjie.

Hansie offered to pay for dinner.

slipped to the gents

and was never seen again

What a load of shit

David

if you’re not happy, you can fuck off to the pub

Funny you should say that - I’m seriously considering buying a pub

"So ButtPlug, tell us the story when you met Hansie Cronjie."

I have one semi Hansie story, two Alan Donald stories and a Hansie & Alan Donald story, all from when I lived in Bloem 1998.

Wanna hear them?

I watched the Hansie Cronje story the other night on Netflix - part of the Bad Sport series

The water boy pull a fast one?

How sad it is that a bunch of absolute losers on here have such a massive issue with our coach - arguably the best we have ever had

How childish and pathetically sad you lot are

You should be ashamed of yourselves

Do us a favour and fuck off and go support another side

The Boks don’t need you as none of you know the meaning of the concept of being a Bok supporter

Pollard made Dr Lucky and the good er doctor keeps on trying to replace him with Manie…..not much loyalty there,

There you go evidence of the utter stupidity of said sad excuses for Bok supporters

We don’t need you - you are a disgrace to the Boks - our side, our captain, our coach

Whose ‘we’ ….the ice cream sellers union? Cork it porky, you were just as , if not more critical of Jake White after he won the WC. Fat hypocrite,

I agree David.

bunch of idiots whining because we lost a match and cos Rassie forgot to pay a bill 30 years ago.

Actually 2025 minus 2000 is 25 years not 30….no need to thank me.

Could be the chick is mistaken him for someone else?...quarter century is a long time...why didn't she send him the bill? ...sounds odd...even 25 years ago, you had to fill out a lot of papers just to get through the door...and back then he was still playing, so why would he have been responsible for the bill...his franchise or club should have footed the bill...not?

Moffie fuck off and go support another side you fucking sad excuse of a Bok supporter

We don’t need you, you are a pathetic insult to our side

Comes with being so fucking old you can’t tell your arse from your elbow. I guess when you are nearing the end there is plenty to be negative about

But fuck me you have to be one stupid shit to find issue with the best coach we have ever had

Jake was bog ordinary and had entered his second cycle which comes with historic failure - he never won a WC - he had Eddie and the easiest route ever to thank - it had fuck all to do with his coaching

Wake the fuck up old man

Had it been a story about Rassie saving a puppy from a burning building, I'd have relayed it.

Personally, I've never "forgotten" to pay for things. Never driven away from a car wash, accidentally forgotten to buy a ticket at the cinema or to settle my bill at a restaurant.

I guess that the massage was so relaxing the poor old Dr Dassie was in a trance.

"Could be the chick is mistaken him for someone else?...quarter century is a long time...why didn't she send him the bill? ...sounds odd...even 25 years ago, you had to fill out a lot of papers just to get through the door...and back then he was still playing, so why would he have been responsible for the bill...his franchise or club should have footed the bill...not?"

Tell you what, Draad. I'll get my girlfriend to ask her for a more detailed account. And I'll post the full and unedited response here.

ButtPlug

Hall Of Famer

16,100 posts

Aug 27, 2025, 14:35

I have one semi Hansie story, two Alan Donald stories and a Hansie & Alan Donald story, all from when I lived in Bloem 1998.

Wanna hear them?

------------- Yes, please. I want to hear more. Tell us these stories.

Win consecutive RWCs & you're allowed to be windgat .

Where Dassie erred was thinking he'd 50 players, two worldbeating teams. . Te veel windgattery.

Fattex, trying to be helpful I came across this, it seems you would be better off with Wegovy or Mounjaro:

The drugs aren’t for everyone. They were originally created to address type 2 diabetes and obesity. In fact, Ozempic is generally prescribed only for people with type 2 diabetes. Wegovy and Mounjaro are prescribed for people who are obese (a body mass index of 30 or higher) or overweight (BMI > 27) with related health conditions like high blood pressure.

Ou Dawie ate all the pies then moved onto ice cream.

...now he wants to buy a pub.

Am I the only one seeing a pattern here?

Poor Moffie still banging on about size with zero evidence to back it but unfortunately for him we all know he is fucking old and on his way out - knock, knock, knocking on heavens door

Keep the fat ones coming old man - 95kg’s and all

Buttplug at least I’m in a position to be able to afford a pub - are you?

ButtPlug, don't keep us in suspense. I would like to hear more about Hansie and White Lightning

I can't think of a more depressing business to own.

Drunk people, the pub smell, facing customers all day long.

I'd literally rather run a mobile dog parlour.

Though, I'm sure you'd meet lots of desperate singles, so it's right up your alley.

No you dumb fuck I don’t plan to run it myself

Trust you to hang out pubs that were a dive - classless

Fucking idiot

Shark don’t hold your breath it will just be another load of attention seeking bullshit

Here' you go, VisKop.

1) Donald - He used to live right across the road from Brebner High School in Bloem. And whether it was intentional or not, his house was directly adjacent to the cricket nets. We were driving past the school one Saturday afternoon, and saw him bowling in the nets. Just him, on his own, nobody else around. And these were some really shitty nets, concrete, no veld and very rickety. I instantly recognised him. We stopped the car, hopped the fence, and asked him if we could watch. He said sure and if we wanted we could throw the balls back to him. Now, i was 19 at the time, and we had smoked a joint int he car. So, pretty surreal, but we were there for about an hour, he was bowling, and then we'd go and get the balls. I don't know how any human faces bowling at that pace. I played more cricket in my life than i care to remember, but that's the closest I've been to that kind of pace, whether it's because i was high or not, I don't know...but it was ungodly fast. There is a little more, very synchronous detail to the this story...but you'll never believe it were I to tell you. So I'll leave it out.

Some time after this...

2) I used to play social soccer on Thursday evenings. On one evening a mate of mine brought this English chap along. He introduced him to us, and then mentioned that he was Donald's' brother in law. Ended up becoming mates with him, and then were also in a paintball league together. And through this, the mate that introduced him to us, ended up housesitting for Donald while he and his wife were out of the country. And we went over and had a braai at his house and swam in his pool.

3) Just a funny story - As mentioned i was 18-19 at the time, and used to work at the Milwaukee Spur at the foot of Naval Hill on weekends to make some money to party. Boje, Hansie, Donald...would often come in. One Saturday evening, Donald came in with his wife. He was being served by this Afrikaans chap called Albertus. Albertus came to us and said he was gonna take a bread roll to Donald and ask him to bowl it down the aisle. We were watching as he went over. Donald actually took the bread roll from him, stood up, pretended to do a few wing stretches.

4) Hansie and Donald Story - Both of them came into the Spur one evening, separately and with their wives. Donald came in first and then when Hansie and his wife came in, we assumed they were meeting each other there. The waiter asked "Are you joining Donald?" He replied with, "No please, I see him too much as it is (in Afrikaans)". So there they were, both in a non-smoking section, sitting a table apart.

5) Hansie story - The girl i dated at the time, her mom was a physio therapist, and she was in group of ladies that were all physios and would go to workshops and conferences together. Hansie's wife was in that group. My girlfriend's mom, on numerous occasions, mentioned to us that she was a bit of a gold digger and not a very nice person at all. Constantly mentioned new things they were buying etc.

So those are my stories. You asked.

@ButtPlug

"There is a little more, very synchronous detail to the this story...but you'll never believe it were I to tell you. So I'll leave it out."""

No, you said you would tell us the whole story.

My guess is either: 1. you bowled better than Donald, or 2. Some perversion?

Also, the Hansie story is incomplete. What about when he never tipped you or something?

", you said you would tell us the whole story."

We used to play at those nets on weekends sometimes because there was never anybody there and you could just hop over a low fence to access them. I had previously noticed that there were footmarks. It's not something you often see at school nets because nobody bowls there enough, not at a school anyway, to create their own set of footmarks. Normally, as you probably know, it's just a patch of sand/worn grass around the stumps area. But these footmarks extended well out beyond that. No school kid has that long a run-up.

After we saw Donald there, I realised he'd created them.

Mounjaro is 5’ 10”…..95 kgs he says optimistically, let’s call it 230lbs. Too old to build real muscle on that sorry frame can you imagine the rolls of blubber. The Goodrich man….LMAO!

Met Danie Gerber, Carel, James Small and Fritz van Heerden...was Fritz ever a Bok?...Was at Dirk Hanekom's wedding...the preferred Stormers3 at the time...he got injured so Keith Andrews played and got selected for the Bokke...met Gary Pagel at the same time...also met Dawie Snyman in Stilbaai many moons ago.

Met Donald in the street in front of his house in Paarl...played casual garden cricket with Claud Henderson before he even played for the Proteas...

Small world.

"Mounjaro is 5’ 10”…..95 kgs he says optimistically, let’s call it 230lbs. Too old to build real muscle on that sorry frame can you imagine the rolls of blubber. The Goodrich man….LMAO!"

Fat shaming is frownd apon these days...age shaming too...I cringe when I see you two going at each other in this way...funny it doesn't bother me when Rudehole behaves like a d!ck, but it's different when it's you 2...yes, I know I'm being a sanctimonious wet blanket...

Moz, I hope you get to live to be older than Kirk Douglas and Saffex, I hope some day Moz understands that you actually aren't a lard-ass like me. ;-)