Dear David

Dear David
You and I go back about many, many years . Scary isn't it?
In all these years, I've made jibes at you, insulted you and banged people close to you over and over.
You are one helluva guy. Possibly even more of a man than I am.You never back down and never run away. I'd have run away by now.
I know you are probably irritated by my incessant insults about your weight, height and appearance and sexual inuendos... and by the fact that I know that you live near Tescos.
You do make my day brighter each time you reply to me, as it inevitably leads to a bit of laughter and banter.
We may not always agree on the rugby and cricket front, but how boring would it be if we all just agreed.
Dave, I think you are a good oke with a massive heart and an appetite for over the top humor.I know that if I lived near Tescos, we'd hook up for a pint or a coffee and laugh a lot.
I really mean this with every part of my being... thank you and here's to another 10 years of opinions, jibes and insults.
Love youMum

I love you Chip chip and you were close re Tesco it’s about a 15min drive from me I actually own a property I rent out which is about a 10min walk to that Tesco - it’s in the village of Copdock, where I play my cricket Unfortunately you are wrong about my height, weight and me balding but we can excuse you on that front given you have never set eyes on my lovely self Now fuck off before I shed a tear you soppy black man!!

"Love you
Mum"
Not taking any sides here but that cracked me up!

I’m all cried out with joy at your heartfelt embrace I can feel the love Please tell cunt I’m off for my 2 or is it 2 and a half hour shuffle now I might give Dolly Parton a go on my journey!!