Have a laugh!!

My wife and daughter are leaving me due to my alleged obsession with horse racing. I don't know where the hell they get that from......Anyway, they're at the gate, and they're off !!!

My mate was diagnosed as a mute today....bloody hell I thought, he kept that quiet !!

I just found out that my brother Dave has got alzheimers... I hope it doesn't run in the family because my brother Dave has got it too!

A black man walked in to a bar with a huge parrotn on his shoulder, the barman said 'where did you get him from'....the parrot said 'Africa, there's millions of them down there'!!

I picked up a great book in the library today 'the history of Super Glue'.... can't put the bloody thing down !

LMAO! Nice one :)

G'onya COSH, nothings change...you and your funnies that is.....enjoyed them all. Might be a good idea to ask ED to allocate a "Funnies" blog.

LETTER TO EDGARS IN JOHANNESBURG

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7 nov 2010 in which for the 3rd time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to pay as soon as possible.

However I would like to bring to your attention that you are not my only creditor. I have many more creditors, quite as honorable and important as you, and whom I wish to pay too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly. The one drawn is paid immediately.

I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Sincerely Yours,
Sipho

PS: I regret to inform you that, given the harsh and threatening tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.
 

This is a transcript of a recent conversation between a man and a woman ;-

Woman;  'Can I drive'

Man; 'Don't be stupid'

Woman; 'Oh Pleeeease'

Man;  'No chance'

Woman; 'I'll tell you what, le me drive and I'll give you a blow job later on'!!

Man; 'Really' ?

Woman; 'I promise'

Man; 'okay then, take the wheel'

And that your honour, is the final entry from the black box of the cruise ship Costa Concordia' !!!!!!!

Cosh start  a funnies thread an keep em coming!

Animals do funny things don't they ?

I bought a dog off our local blacksmith......when we got home it made a bolt for the door !!!!

Paddy went for a job pn a buliding site. The foreman said 'Can you make tea'?

'I can' says Paddy

'can you drive a forklift' says the foreman

'Jesus' says Paddy 'how big is the fecken teapot' !!!

The difference between Grannies and Grandpas........ a 5 year old little girl is taken to school in a car driven by her Grandad every day.  When he had a bad cold, her Grandmother took her.  That night during dinner, she told her parents that the ride to school with Grannie was much different than with Grandad. 'What made it so different' asked the little girl's parents'?....The little girl said 'Well, Grannie and I didn't see one blind bastard, or any wankers, Asian pricks or fkn women drivers' !!!!! 

We all know that February 14th is Valentines day right?  Well, call me an old romantic if you must, I've just reserved the same table as last year for me and the wife on that very special day.............hopefully she'll pot more than two reds this time around !!

I left my wife absolutely breathless in bed last night.................I hid her inhaler!!

Is it me, or am I the only person who can't log on to dyslexia.moc ??

A little boy said to his mother...'mummy, do birds have removable parts'?  'don't be silly darling, of course not, why do you ask'?  The little boy replied 'I just heard daddy say he'd like to screw the arse off the bird next door'!!!

Hey, on a more serious note, can you spare just 100 rand?? ...Gupta is a very poor 24 year old Pakistani muslim. He's only got 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each morning he has to ride his rusty old bike to fetch water down a narrow dirt track with 2 flat tyres, 1 pedal and bent wheels whilst trying to balance a bucket of water on his head.  If you send me just 100 rand, I'll send you a copy of the DVD, it's bloody hilarious !!