Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today to remember the life of one of the best sports clichés ever uttered.
For years, it was a cliché on par with "game of two halves", "momentum" and "we're taking it one game at a time", but recent events have left a community of lazy analysers and unoriginal speakers devastated.
Of course, it is going to be very hard to say farewell.
R.I.P.... "Playoff Experience".
*Crowd sobs*
For years, we were told it was a necessity for playoff success. How could a team possibly be able to triumph if they hadn't taken their reps and been doled out their beatings in the past?
How could sides deal with high-pressure situations if they hadn't been made to earn their success through an array of tough, gritty, playoff matchups?
Now, we all know who we have to blame for the death of our good, easy-to-utter friend! Those pesky Highlanders from down south, and the easy-going Hurricanes from the nation's capital!
*Crowd grumbles in approval*
Coming into the 2015 Super Rugby playoffs, the Highlanders had just nine games of playoff experience in their 22. Two of their opponents - Liam Messam and Brodie Retallick - had a combined 12 games.
The Chiefs had championship experience, and 48 combined games of playoff experience, while nobody in the Highlanders had ever won a playoff game before - how were they meant to deal with the mighty mana of the two-time champs?
I think I can speak for everyone here today in being shocked at the disregard with which Jamie Joseph's men ignored and defied conventional wisdom and popular logic.
*Crowd mutters*
HOWEVER! We had a lifeline! Those Hurricanes, who had gone through the regular season with surprising ease, were about to be chopped down by the force of our good friend, playoff experience.
We were about to expose them as regular season frauds.
11 of the 15 starters for the Hurricanes had never played a playoff game before. They would be no chance against a Brumbies team who had 10 players with experience of playing in a grand final.
The Brumbies had taken their lumps, and were about to reap the rewards against a side who hadn't experienced this pressure since 2009.
Alas, things did not go the way we envisaged. To make matters worse, the Highlanders waltzed past the defending champion Waratahs - in Australia, no less! - to make it a final between the two sides with the least playoff experience.
That is why we are joined in unison today to bury our one of our best.
With "playoff experience" out of action, we must now re-build!
We will bring back some of our best clichés!
We will go harder than make sure we have clichés locked and loaded for this Super Rugby final!!
*Crowd roars*
We need to figure out - once and for all - this extremely pertinent question going into the final:
WHO HAS THE MOMENTUM???
